Abs[ence] of Self-Love

From a young age, I always noticed that I had a "belly". So much so that I hated the word "belly" with a fiery passion. To this day, the word still makes me queasy. But I always felt like I was overweight in some regard simply because I had a "belly". What exacerbated the situation was that I chose to be competitive in swimming, where I would wear a simple Speedo brief. And I felt like I stood out (or rather stood "rounder") in the way I didn't want to: I was one of the "fat" ones in a sea of tall, skinny swimmers.